So I have mentioned in this blog that I am a recovering alcoholic….
I have been sober for 7 1/2 years and have an amazing life overall to show for it. However, for the last 6 months I have been going about it without a 12 step program. In other words, I have been living life like a normal everyday person, but I just haven’t been drinking.
I spent the majority of my sobriety being super involved in AA. I had a regular homegroup, I held service work positions, I sponsored many women and then some. It was a HUGE aspect of my life. Slowly though I began to drift away. Work, relationships… everyday life became more of a priority to me. Eventually I found that I had lost a part of who I am.
Going to meetings is more than “going to meetings” for someone like me. Anytime I am put in a room with other people who can relate to me on this level, it gives me an opportunity to grow and reflect. It also puts me in contact with people I can help through my own experiences.
I have stopped taking personal inventory. I have stopped recognizing when I am being a selfish little shit. I have also stumbled across scary thinking. I have found myself “daydreaming” about what it would be like if I could drink like “normal” people. Thoughts like those can be life or death, and yet I have not been treating them like the omen that they are.
Time for change has arrived…
This past Thursday I went back to a meeting. My friend Bre from the program met met there. The nice thing about my friends in the program, they never give up on you. It does not matter that I have blown them all off for months. The second I reach out, they are there for me.
Walking back into that church basement felt good. Really good. I got this feeling of levity. Like there were small weights I had been carrying for so long and finally I was able to set them down. I felt like that was where I was supposed to be at that exact moment. I have been to 3 meetings now since that one.
There are some of you reading this who might not understand what I am talking about. This blog discusses being a nurse, my continued diet failures, my psych issues, and family struggles. If hearing about me trying to find myself again as a sober recovering woman is boring to you, I apologize. I need to get this part about me out there too.