So my last post was a little more upbeat than most. But for any of you who follow my blog on a regular basis know that the majority of my posts are venting and bitching about the current state of my life. So this should be no different haha. Its my fucking blog and Ill bitch if I want to.
Work: work has been going okay I guess. When I am not running my ass off, I am catching shit from the higher ups about not having my boards done (the marker boards in the rooms that Im supposed to put my name on). Or they are complaining that I am “out of uniform” when I am wearing light blue OR scrubs instead of my royal blue. Like really? The ER is full of patients and ambulances keep pouring in, and you want to complain about my choice of fucking scrub color? Like eat shit and die..please. I did have a patient yesterday who was cool as shit. He was an old dead head with tattoos all down his arms and a hoop earring in his left ear. He came in for shortness of breath. The guy sounded like Bane from Batman because he suffered from tongue and tonsil cancer. It isnt often where I want to hang out in a patient’s room and listen to their life story. But this guy was different. He had been all over the world and owned a horse ranch near by. He showed be pictures from his trips and videos of him riding his steed. He was full of life despite his current situation. It helps put things into perspective a bit. I sometimes think my life is total shit, and then I sit there and see someone else who has WAY bigger problems than me, and then it hits me; my life isnt shit; I’M BEING A SHIT.
Diet: the diet is still going. But its not fucking working. I lost 8 lbs in water weight and then….nothing. I have cut all carbs from diet and have done nothing but eat meat, eggs, and cheese. I am a person who consumed 1,000,000 grams a carbs a day. You would think the weight should just be shedding, but no. It’s not even that I have just cut carbs. I have also cut the amount of what I eat. Yesterday I had a salad and a hamburger patty. The old me would eat that as a bedtime snack. I am getting discouraged.
Mental: I have been struggling big time with the Zoloft withdrawal. I have decreased my dose from 100mg to 50mg 5 days ago. Holy fuck. My head feels like I have an ice pick constantly chipping away at chunks of my brain. No anxiety or depression but God the headaches are horrible. I am supposed to continue on this way for another 2 days and then only take 50mg every other day. Its making it near impossible to work. Someone suggested I try taking a dose of magnesium to ease the migraine since nothing else touches it. I think it worked a little. It made the ache more dull and at least I could keep my eyes open without wanting to scream. Im off today so at least when the “zaps” hit me I can crawl into my bed. I hope the fact the Zoloft is still in my system might explain why I am having a hard time losing the weight.
The wife: I have to say there is one very good thing about coming off the Zoloft. My libido is THROUGH THE ROOF. The wife and I have been fucking like rabbits. I think about her tongue on me all day long. My orgasms have been soo fucking intense. Like bringing me to tears intense. I can’t wait to see her at the end of a long day and let her work her magic on my pussy. I really hope I dont lose this when I start the Wellbutrin.
So now I am about to fix myself anything I can find in the fridge that has 0 carbs and try and function until the headaches start again.