Money doesn’t buy happiness? Bull Fucking Shit.

I am sure there isn’t a single person who cant relate to feeling insecure about their finances. The winter months always tend to hit hard. Gas, electric, water…all these bills seem to quadruple in size from Dec to May. Not to mention my waist line grows with them. I let this shit really weigh me down…physically and mentally.

In my head I am this poor single mom who is trying to make ends meat. In my mind i am wearing tattered clothes and am holding out a cup requesting “alms for the poor”. This is not reality though.

First, I have a stable job. I am a nurse. I am an emergency trained nurse.

I could work anywhere I want. I don’t have to worry that at some point there will be a shortage of nursing jobs. I can literally get on a plane and get a job in any state I want. I could be like “Hello Hawaii! I will take a paycheck and a virgin pina colada please and thank you!” This still does not put my mind to rest.

Second, I have some money in the bank.

I have a small nest egg to use in case of emergencies. I am not in the position where I am going to become delinquent on my mortgage or even my student loans for that matter. (side note…student loans can fuck themselves…). All my utilities are up to date and the kid has clothes on her back and food in her belly. But I will still keep myself up at night worrying about when I am getting paid next and how much my check will be.

Third, I am not alone.

The wife officially lives with me now. She has a nest egg of her own and is about to start at a new job where she will be making more than me. We have already divided up the bills and that will lighten the load, but its like my mind is always set to “worry” mode.

I wish I could relax and not worry so much about this shit. I am probably taking years off my life. Smoking cigarettes and living on coffee dosent help either Im sure. I just want to win the fucking lottery. They say money dosent buy happiness. Those people must have had a shit ton of it I reckon. I kind of what to tell those people to take the dick out of their ass and rethink that statement. Peace of mind is what money gives you.

I am writing all of this out so I can see it on the screen and maybe, just maybe it will sink in that everything is going to be okay.

Side note: I am off my diet and am gaining rapidly. I just cant seem to get a handle on it. Money would buy me a personal trainer right?? Money does buy fucking happiness. I am eating everything in sight. I am pretty sure I caught influenza A from patients at work so I am fighting that off as well. I was off yesterday and called in sick today. I have been such a baby. I slept probably 14 hours or more yesterday. Ugh I am not in a good place. At least I have this blog to vent through. I am up to 10 followers now. Holy fuck. That is actually kind of cool. In a weird way it makes me feel like I am not going through all this shit alone. So thank you guys for reading.

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