Did you ever wake up one day and realize that you are an adult? All the years of having someone take care of you and handle your shit are gone? This used to be terrifying for me.
When I was drinking, I would be up til 5 o’clock in the morning and right before i’d pass out, I would go out onto the porch and smoke a cigarette before retiring to bed aka pass the fuck out. I could hear the morning birds sing and it would make my skin crawl. I would watch all of these people dressed in fine clothes walk to their vehicles with their brief cases and designer hand bags and get into their Lexus’ and BMW’s and head off for their day at work. I envied the 9 to 5er’s. I would sit there and take a final swig from my plastic vodka bottle and one last puff off my Marlboro Red and think what if. What if I never became a functioning member of society? The only function I could handle was making sure I hit the liquor store before it closes at 9pm.
If you told me 7 years ago that I would own my own home and car, that I would have sole custody of the kid and be in a loving relationship with the woman of my dreams, I would tell you you were fucking nuts. Yet here I am. I am a super adult today.
Last night the wife and I went through all the household finances and plotted out what it will cost for the year ahead. I was overcome with this feeling of gratitude. I had become one of those people I used to watch at dawn in my drunken stupor. I am a 9 to 5er. I pay taxes and contribute to society. I can bitch and whine about the car needing gas, the utilities costing too much, the kid not behaving; but in the end, it is all worth it. Every problem is a reminder that I have come far from where I once was.