Northern lights

I’m sitting in a super hip coffee shop. I’m surrounded by people engaging in what appears to be delightful conversations. Others are in front of their laptops typing. Who knows, maybe they’re blogging like me. This coffee shop has the ability to appear like it’s a little secret that only few know about. It’s quiet. I like that.

So I havnt blogged in a few days. I realize that whether anyone actually reads this, it’s a good outlet for me. I can sit here and just pour out what’s been on my mind and hopefully leave some of my worries on the page.

I’m off today. The agenda is as follows: drop the wife off at her final interview at a company she could potentially work for. Then we have an appt at the Lexus dealership to look at some cars. Then we will head home and relax until I go to her house to have a sleepover. Every Friday the kid has a sleep over at grandma’s house. She lives only 10 min down the road from me. I never thought growing up that I would want to live anywhere near my mother. Now I don’t know what I would do without her.

My mom and I have had a strained relationship through the years. I can never blame her though for anything. I was a little shit of a child. I was an entitled princess who expected everything from everyone. Then when I got older my alcoholism really started to take hold and she basically became a hostage to my lifestyle. However she never turned her back on me. She has always been there anytime I have ever needed her. I love my mom.

When I got sober the true reality of how my drinking affected her really hit hard. I hadn’t just run my life into the ground.

The most amazing feeling was when I got to sit her down and let her know that she couldn’t have loved me anymore. There was nothing she did that made me into that drunk that I had been. I got to assure her that she will never have to fear getting that phone call. The one from the hospital or from the police saying that I’m dead or even worse, I killed someone else.

My past has dark parts in it just like everyone else’s does. This is my life tho. I’ve grown into the person I am today because of my past.

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