Fast Track=FML

So its 8:26 @ night. The wife picked me up with the kid from work. I should mention that although I live in the Northeast, I am terrified of the snow. I actually grew up in the Midwest and 1 flake would cancel school and initiate a state of emergency. So, I have never fully adjusted. So the wife agrees to coddle my snow fear and drive when there is a chance of snow. Shes pretty awesome most of the time.

I NEEDED to get out of there today.  I was in the fast track. For those of you who dont know what that is, let me explain.  The fast track is where the midlevels sit (Physician assistants, nurse practitioners). They oversee 8 rooms that are supposed to be dedicated to “less acute problems”. But it all reality, it is the landfill station. Anything from a hand lac to a full blown STEMI can end up in this section. It’s kind of like Russian Roulette but the chamber is always full. There are 2 nurses with 4 patients each.

Today I worked with another nurse we shall call Ms. Uppity. She has short fake dyed blonde hair and beautifully done nails. Her husband makes a shit ton of money so she actually doesnt have to work. Must be fuckin nice right?? Anyways, she isnt that bad and me and her usually laugh alot. However, she has no problem asking for help. Which hey, its fine in most cases, but today she was all about receiving and not giving. I felt like a guy who got blue balls cause his girl didn’t return the deed.

I started 7 IV’s for her today. Yes S-E-V-E-N. I was about to take a 20 gauge and stab her through the eye with it, BUT I remembered that is a crime and refrained. This may sound like petty bullshit but when youre running your ass off for yourself and everyone else, it becomes overwhelming.

So the cherry on top of my day was getting sprayed in the face with hematuria; bloody urine. I had to bladder irrigate a guy. In other words I had to shove a tube the size of a tree trunk up a guys piss hole and then flow liters and liters of fluid through it. Sounds pleasant right? Well it was not too bad until I lost my grip on the foley and a shot of red liquid landed on my cheek. UGGGGHHHH!!!! I calmly finished what I was doing and then ran to the bathroom to burn my cheek off.

Those were just a few things I wanted to vent about. I am home now though. I love being home. My kid is about to go to bed and the wife will be inbetween my thighs in a matter of minutes. Life isnt all that bad I reckon.


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